| StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES | << 1 2 3 4 5 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up |
| tmaugham 115 posts msg #48578 - Ignore tmaugham |
12/12/2006 6:55:06 PM Sam died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Sarah . "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the synagogue. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?" "Two and a half carats." |
| peacock 16 posts msg #48587 - Ignore peacock |
12/13/2006 1:31:32 PM A man walks into a bar in Thibodau, Louisiana to have a drink. He sits next to a patron who introduces himself as Boudreau, Boudreau from Thibodaux. They strike up a conversation and it becomes difficult for the man to believe that Boudreau knows all of the people he is talking about. The man challenges Boudreau to prove he knows all these people. Boudreau asks the man to meet him at the bar next week at the same time and also to name someone he would like to meet. The man says that he would like to meet the Mayor of Thibodaux. The next week they meet and sure enough Boudreau takes the man to meet the Honorable Mayor. The man tells Boudreau that this was an easy challenge and suggested something more difficult. Boudreau agrees and the man now wants to meet The President, George W. Bush. Boudreau sighs and tells the man to bring an overnight bag and meet him at Louie Armstong airport at the Delta ticket counter same time next week. Sure enough they are both at the airport. They fly to Washington, DC to meet the President. When they get to the White House the guard tells them that an emergency meeting has been called and the President has asked not to be distrubed. The man says I new it, you don't know the Preisdent. Boud says wait a minute, I told you I'd introduce you to the President, didn't I? So they walk along the fence and Boud sees the President through a window. He starts to try to get the President's attention and finally he does. George has one of the Seceret Service Agents open the window and yells, "Hey Boudreau, come on around, I'll let you in, I'm sure Laura wants to say hi." So they go in. On the flight back, the man says, "I can see how you might know The President, Louisiana snd Texas are right next to each other, how about a tougher challenge?" At this point Boudreau is getting a little annoyed but agrees to another challenge. The man wants to meet the POPE. The next week they go to the Vatican and the square is filled with people. Boudreau tells the man, "wait here, after the fiasco with the guard at the White House, I want to prevent another confusing episode." So the man waits in the square with thousands of people who are waiting for the POPE to make an appearance. A few minutes pass and the crowd breaks into a roar. There is Boudreau standing next to the Holy Pontiff on a balcony. The man taps a kid on the shoulder and ask, "who is the man on the balcony?" The kid replies, "I'm not sure who the guy with hat is but the other one is Boudreau from Thibodaux." |
| papawally 19 posts msg #48590 - Ignore papawally |
12/13/2006 3:50:01 PM Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carols." And So The Holiday Season Begins.... |
| tmaugham 115 posts msg #48616 - Ignore tmaugham |
12/14/2006 3:07:09 PM Kentucky boys... Bubba and Billy Joe are walking down the street, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take'em back to Lexington, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Ohio drawl so's they don't know we is from Kentucky." They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Ohio drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and....." "The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from Kentucky, ain't ya?" "Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba.... "How come you knowed that?" "Because this is a dry-cleaners." |
| TheRumpledOne 6,529 posts msg #48653 - Ignore TheRumpledOne |
12/16/2006 11:08:46 AM A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher |
| ham1198 174 posts msg #48670 - Ignore ham1198 |
12/16/2006 9:34:53 PM ...if you haven't heard this, it's pretty funny: http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com... |
| traderblues 195 posts msg #49598 - Ignore traderblues |
1/26/2007 5:41:42 PM A gas station in Kentucky was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up". Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged. He doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged ----- my wife won twice last week." |
| TheRumpledOne 6,529 posts msg #49599 - Ignore TheRumpledOne |
1/26/2007 5:42:08 PM Oldie but goodie... |
| lockwhiz 206 posts msg #49605 - Ignore lockwhiz |
1/26/2007 7:05:41 PM "I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!" Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach-ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. " Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house." |
| rtucker 318 posts msg #49618 - Ignore rtucker modified |
1/27/2007 12:27:36 AM a |
| StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES | << 1 2 3 4 5 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up |
Copyright 2022 - Vestyl Software L.L.C.•Terms of Service | License | Questions or comments? Contact Us
EOD Data sources: DDFPlus & CSI Data
Quotes delayed during active market hours. Delay times are at least 15 mins for NASDAQ, 20 mins for NYSE and Amex. Delayed intraday data provided by DDFPlus