| StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES | << 1 ... 11 12 13 14 15 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up |
| az_man 1 posts msg #73654 - Ignore az_man |
4/19/2009 12:49:37 AM If girls with big breasts work at HOOTERS, what do you call the place one legged girls work.........................I HOP |
| Eman93 4,750 posts msg #73661 - Ignore Eman93 |
4/19/2009 11:51:10 AM |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #73672 - Ignore johnpaulca |
4/19/2009 3:33:21 PM TheRumpledOne - Ignore TheRumpledOne 2/17/2009 1:57:40 PM Way too funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AyVh1_vWYQ&feature=subscription ********************************************************************************************************************************** Eman...Avery posted that link before.....that was stupid funny. |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #73708 - Ignore johnpaulca |
4/20/2009 9:14:23 AM TEXAS MIDGET The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors... Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... Then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it.. What did you do?" The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots... |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #73709 - Ignore johnpaulca |
4/20/2009 9:15:48 AM An old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing??' The prostitute replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots ' 'Three knots?' he asks. 'What's that supposed to mean??' She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back. |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #73968 - Ignore johnpaulca |
4/30/2009 3:50:11 PM If you've ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this! Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?' A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make $400 a week ... Why?' The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.' Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone here want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?' From across the room came a voice, ' Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.' |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #74356 - Ignore johnpaulca |
5/13/2009 10:25:19 AM I love this Doctor Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. |
| ham1198 174 posts msg #74365 - Ignore ham1198 |
5/13/2009 4:52:04 PM A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little yellow corvette and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blondes driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop!..... |
| conyeuchua 83 posts msg #74465 - Ignore conyeuchua |
5/16/2009 1:05:36 PM Disclaimer: I got this info from someone. It not a joke joke but it is quite interesting. I don't know where else to post it, so I post it here, for entertainment. In 1965 a stock market technician, Charles Collins, theorized that decreased sunspots coincided with declines in stock markets. He had tracked the cycle back to 1872, comparing it to the market indices. More recent speculation suggests that heightened spots/flares coincide with economic and social buoyancy; and a decrease in flares accompanies a declining social mood and economy. The great depression was preceded by a declining sunspot cycle. From 1950 to 2000, says NASA, "the sun activity [frequency of spots/flares] was unusually high." This coincided with the largest economic boom in history. What now, in 2009? A recent NASA press release says "The sunspot cycle is behaving a little like the stock market. Just when you think it has hit bottom it goes even lower." The NASA release adds: "This is the quietest sun we've seen in almost a century." Reportedly, this "quiet sun" is baffling astronomers. One London professor says they cannot see any signs of this low "flare count" ending soon. (I've got to credit elliotwave.com for much of the above information.).... |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #74466 - Ignore johnpaulca |
5/16/2009 2:46:31 PM I am sure if you look hard enough you will find a correlation between the stock market and a Wiji board. |
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