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| ham1198 174 posts msg #75972 - Ignore ham1198 |
7/2/2009 5:17:00 PM Understandable Explanation of Derivative Markets Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit . By providing her customers' freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international securities markets. Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses. One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi. Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations, she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs. Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community. The suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations. Her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers. Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from the Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers. Now, do you understand? |
| TheRumpledOne 6,529 posts msg #75984 - Ignore TheRumpledOne |
7/3/2009 8:46:55 AM Makes perfect sense to me...LOL! |
| Eman93 4,750 posts msg #75995 - Ignore Eman93 |
7/3/2009 4:46:33 PM You forgot to mention that the drinkers bought insurance for their loans from AIG who had no way of ever covering if they defauted........ It was like a giant game of Old Maid...... |
| karennma 8,057 posts msg #76319 - Ignore karennma |
7/11/2009 11:31:38 AM Bracelet at Tiffany's A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she accidently farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional salesman in a store like Tiffany's, and greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?' Feeling uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to sh*t when I tell you the price!' |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #76320 - Ignore johnpaulca |
7/11/2009 1:06:24 PM ROTFLMAO...very funny Karen. |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #76433 - Ignore johnpaulca modified |
7/14/2009 4:54:46 PM Guess SF didn't like that picture. |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #79631 - Ignore johnpaulca |
9/18/2009 4:02:14 PM A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the > congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they > passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so > would his paycheck. > > After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the > congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the > preacher's > expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering > ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were > costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost. > > After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from > his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take > as many gifts as He gives us. Silence fell on the congregation. > > In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally > said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when > we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.' > > The entire congregation said, 'Amen |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #80567 - Ignore johnpaulca |
10/2/2009 4:38:20 PM THE RULES OF RURAL SASKATCHEWAN ARE AS FOLLOWS Listen up City Slickers! 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Hwy 1 goes east and west, Hwy 39 & 11 goes north and south. Pick one. 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $365,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year . 6. So every person in rural Saskatchewan waves. It's called 'being friendly ' . Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. There's little for 'vegetarians' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. 13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. 14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair . 15. SASKATCHEWAN Hockey League and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Calgary Flames and the Edmonton Oilers and more fun to watch. 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish. 1 7 . 2 inches of snow & ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the next day. |
| luc1grunt 622 posts msg #80574 - Ignore luc1grunt |
10/2/2009 8:06:00 PM I like this thread too! It has nothing to do with trading, but I like it anyway. |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #80575 - Ignore johnpaulca |
10/2/2009 8:36:23 PM No fighting, no bickering, just laughter...cheers everyone. |
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