Place carp onto wooden shingle and marinate (your choice of liquids) for 1 hour
Place into oven and bake for 45 minutes
When baking is complete, remove carp and shinle from oven, now throw away the carp and eat the shingle!
Love Making.....
>
> The Italian says, 'When I've a finished a makina da love withah my
> wife, I
> go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches
> above a
> da bed in ecstacy.'
>
> The Frenchman replies. 'Zat is nutting. When Ah've finished making ze
> love
> with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za
> soles of
> her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches
> above ze bed in pure ecstasy
>
> The Saskatchewan farmer says, 'That aint nothing. When I've finished
> porkin
> the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my
> weener
> on the curtains. She freakin' hits the ceiling.'
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The
students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing
more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first
and correctly can
leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get
outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin
Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to
answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish
these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man
passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‘Touchdown, tie
score.'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's
got, and accidentally shits in the bed.
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