| StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES | << 1 ... 18 19 20 21 22 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up |
| rharmelink 81 posts msg #93674 - Ignore rharmelink |
6/9/2010 8:47:34 PM >> YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? Poor question. From the answer, It seems the question SHOULD be: If you overtake the person in second place, what position are you in? Otherwise, after I overtake two people, there's no way to tell what position I'm in. It depends what position I started out in before I started overtaking people. >> IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....? Again, poorly worded question. I would say I'm in first place, because I've overtaken everyone and there is no one left for me to overtake. Based on the answer, the question should have been: If you overtake the person in last place, what position are you in? >> DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN\'T. HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN! Not if Mary is his son. From the other names, we know he isn't good at naming daughters. Maybe he's nuts when it comes to naming sons as well. Or, maybe Mary's father used to have six daughters before his daughter Mary died. So now he only has five left. |
| scott111552 173 posts msg #93676 - Ignore scott111552 |
6/9/2010 9:18:20 PM ....your reasoning borders on brilliance...... :) |
| Eman93 4,750 posts msg #93988 - Ignore Eman93 |
6/17/2010 7:24:42 PM |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #93989 - Ignore johnpaulca |
6/17/2010 8:20:25 PM bright like stick. |
| Eman93 4,750 posts msg #93990 - Ignore Eman93 |
6/17/2010 8:59:14 PM Some US Americans don't have maps......LOL |
| crunkle 54 posts msg #95003 - Ignore crunkle |
7/22/2010 11:16:26 PM Your Duck is Dead-- A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" She cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150." |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #95042 - Ignore johnpaulca |
7/23/2010 6:37:47 PM 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.' 'What's that mean?' asked the child. 'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.' Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.' The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?' ( YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!! !! ) The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.' |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #95047 - Ignore johnpaulca |
7/23/2010 11:43:59 PM Dr Visit for a colonoscopy? I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room And told me to get undressed and have a seat Until the doctor could see me . She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down While waiting I observed That there were three items on a stand Next to the exam table: A Tube of K-Y jelly, A rubber glove And a beer . When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused This is my first exam .. I know what the K-Y is for And I know what the glove is for, But can you tell me what the BEER is for? At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . . . Darn it, Evelyn !!! I said a BUTT LIGHT " |
| johnpaulca 12,036 posts msg #95295 - Ignore johnpaulca |
7/30/2010 2:27:44 PM Canadian Political Correctness: Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading Canada , Albertans will no longer be referred to as'Rednecks.' You must now refer to them as Rocky Mountain/Prairie Canadians. And furthermore HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ' BREASTED Canadian.' 2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.' (Loved this one!) 3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.' 4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.' 5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.' 6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.' HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.' 2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN..' 3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He ' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS..' 4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.' 5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.' 6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE. |
| karennma 8,057 posts msg #95933 - Ignore karennma |
9/1/2010 11:29:17 AM During these serious and trying times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters or the liquor store. |
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